Att döda ett barn - en krönika av idrottspoeten Dan Durk

Jag är kritisk till supporterns roll i samhället. Det är poänglöst och mörkt. En sorts evigt krig, motståndarna ska tryckas ned, få vinnare, många förlorare. Förljugna sportjournalister som Niva försöker se en skönhet som inte finns.

När jag flyttade till Skövde från Skara 1995 var det som att min själ gick ifrån mig. Men fotbollen stannade i mig. Vad fan berodde det på? Vad fan berodde det på? Är fotbollen så skitigt själlös?

Jag älskade en gång ett fotbollslag - fråga mig för allt i världen inte vilket - och jag trodde att kärleken till laget var evig. Kanske är den det. Kanske är det kärleken till ett barn? Kanske slutade jag älska mitt barn. Det gör så förbannat ont.

Ingen förberedde mig på sport. Min pappa tog avsides en gång, han sa: Dan - du kommer att älska någon, så sa han, pappa. Han hade inte räknat med sport. När Fiorentina trollband Serie A med Batistuta på topp satt jag hela dagarna på pizzeria Garda i Skara. Jag såg Uno kryss due med folkölen på hand och mitt blödande hjärta dunkande på det hala pizzeriagolvet.

Då drömde jag mig bort med Batistutas hjälp. Men var det kärlek? Nä. Kärleken kom nån gång under sommaren när Allsvenskan fått fotfäste. Och med kärleken kom våldet. Och med våldet hatet och sorgen. Den 15 oktober 1995 åkte jag med ilfart till Skara Lasarett. Självdiagnos: Hjärtesorg. Doktorns diagnos: Hjärtinfarkt.

Jag avslutar med en dikt från min antologi "Den plånte boken". Den heter "Tom Prahl".

I mitt liv har inte mycket gott funnits.

Jag har gestaltat mitt liv. I ett årtionde.

Min mor dog i går. Det var som om det var i dag. I går var det mörkt. I dag är det becksvart.

Det är frivisning på TV8. Halmstad och Tom Prahl. Jag älskar nånstans Halmstad. Jag minns guldhattarna. När fan var det?

Skit i det.

Dan Durk

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